Most of us are familiar with the female ‘change’ in life and yes you don’t have to be a female to have witnessed it either. A tease by the way! But less is spoken about the male change. Some refer to it as a mid life crisis or male menopause but do you have a clear idea on what that means? I am not sure I do but considering the fact I am in my mid 50’s maybe I should do!
Whether you are male or female the following are my observations and own experiences, which you may find surprising.
Working with many males and females, I have observed many similar traits and always, without exception, people are interested to know how their own experiences compare with others. Am I the same as others? Am I different? Is what I am experiencing normal?
Now females or girls generally find it much easier to talk about these things than males (guys). Some males can and some can’t. Many try and succeed up to a point but it can feel very uncomfortable and usually find it easier to leave alone.
So what am I talking about here? Quite simply how we males feel inside ourselves as a man, an individual and yes, in most instances, how other people see us too! There is no escaping the fact that, as guys, we originate from the hunter, gatherer, and provider mould as nature intended. But evolution has changed (and challenged) that role and will continue to do so as the male surrenders to the female rise in equality as the provider.
This blog is not about how males and females in our society should or shouldn’t be in the 21st century but rather a focus on how modern males react to their evolving circumstances, in the mid life years. I am calling it the Male Pause.
The truth is that all males reach a stage in their lives when they begin to take stock of where they are:
- how much they have achieved of what they set out to
- what has not yet happened for them
- can it still happen – or is it too late?
And if so, how do they feel about it – Depressed? Disappointed? Resigned? Not bothered?
I believe all those questions are linked to our original hunter, gatherer and survival instincts which still lie within us. However sometimes in 21st century living, it can become challenging to be able to have that sense of achievement we are all seeking. Sexual equality, independence of women, expectations of our children, economic pressures, peer pressure all have a leaning on whether modern men feel happy and satisfied as men, or not, as the case may be.
And if they are not – how does the male behaviour act out? Now girls, please don’t think I am suggesting females shouldn’t be equal in all areas with men because I am not. I am, however highlighting the fact that all males need to be able to take stock of their lives and in some instances, come to terms with how their lives are evolving. It is the greatest gift they can give themselves and those around them.
For some reason only nature knows the answer to (!) it just happens to be a lot more challenging for males to look inward without feeling weak. Some women are well aware of this and like to exploit it which will only serve to shut men down or push them away, sometimes to other women.
However, for males who do pause and take stock, it usually has a brilliant effect on their self esteem, success, happiness and ability to go and scale new heights. They do this as a man, an individual, a husband, a partner, a father, a colleague and a friend.
While the 21st century has brought the challenge – it also provides the environment for the solution too.
Another sign we are all evolving, and another opportunity to evolve even further in whichever way we choose.
The male pause – getting clear on what is working for us, what isn’t and what could be working better; it’s about being clear on our choices and making them.
Like every other time in our lives the Male Pause can be exciting – providing we know how to turn it to our advantage and enjoy the process!
Have a great week
Billy
