Following on from last week; I shared with you that my wife and I had decided to have a life change and give up everything we had worked for. Even my bank manager, having listened to my plan, asked “Billy are you really sure you want to do this?” So against everyone else’s instinct I pressed ahead.
Six weeks later we were on the market. It was a mixture of feelings – excitement, relief and anticipation yet moments of fear, self doubt and trepidation; a whole band of emotions.
The point of this blog folks is that it’s an extension of my blog posting from two weeks ago “Knowing Who You Are”, this was my way of getting to know who I was. The strange irony was that I had to go through this almighty change to deepen my understanding of who I am. But it was because of who I was (am) I needed to go through the experience – if that makes any sense?
Here is a summary of what I experienced.
1. Not everyone understood or agreed with what I did. Some began to distance themselves from me for no apparent reason.
2. I came out of my last work with huge credibility. That made it all the more difficult for others to understand why I wanted a new challenge. After having achieved so much in my career it seemed to them I would regret my decision
3. I was driven by “fear” that if I did not take the plunge I would regret it for the rest of my life. This was unthinkable to me
4. It was quite humbling giving up the familiar and starting again with new people
You see, what was happening was this. The very thing I wanted to give up, the familiarity, the status I had been given by others, the security and identity, was the very thing they were attracted to, in me.
I knew that I know longer had the ‘status’ (In their eyes) so they lost interest in my company, albeit gradually. I later learned they had all been debating and discussing my decision for my big career change and many told me they wished they had had the courage to do what I was doing.
I was quite shocked at the number of male forty something who, when pressed, were not too happy with their lot in life; they secretly wished for a better alternative. I know now, that the reason they distanced themselves from me was not anything I had said but rather it made them uncomfortable being around me because it questioned their own situation.
All of this was helping me to know who I am. I needed the change of career and life for me more than I needed other’s approval. It was tough having the friends react the way they did but I would not change it. I saw them the way they really were, rather than the way I thought they were. I discovered more about who I really am as an individual. As a result I feel a much stronger man.
Knowing and accepting ourselves is what brings us internal peace and contentment, regardless of how others see us.
The reason I chose to share this with you this week was so that;
1. If you are male and between 37 -55 you may have experienced something similar in your desire to explore new grounds
2. If you are female, maybe you know a male who has gone through a similar change.
Now in no way am I suggesting such an upheaval is necessary for others. Nor am I trying to justify the male change in any other person’s circumstances – especially if it hurts others in the process.
For some reason I just chose to share my experience knowing that some sort of change of direction is experienced by most, if not all, males at sometime between these ages. The next time you witness this in your life or in others, it is worth considering the following.
> That the person involved does not intend to hurt or offend anyone.
> Even though they feel compelled to make the change in direction, they do not necessarily understand the ‘Why’ at the time. Don’t always expect a believable explanation from them.
> If their ‘change’ doesn’t work out, try to understand it was something they had to go through regardless. My own one worked out very well. Other’s can go through private agony and embarrassment if theirs does not work out for the best.
Finally, please understand – this blog is written to help those who are interested to understand other people’s behaviour; in this case, middle-aged males.
It is NOT an intention to justify selfish male behaviour. I very much had my wife’s support throughout.
Have a great week.
Thanks For Reading
Billy
