Last week I wrote about knowing who you are and how our lives unfold as we explore, experiment and experience this exciting, if sometimes roller coaster of a journey, called life!
This week I would like to share with you ‘the biggest change of my life’. Why I chose, how I coped, what I experienced and the outcome of my decision – how I feel about myself now. My change was unique to me. The evolution behind it effects every male between the ages of about 37 to 55.
Eight years ago my wife and I put our business up for sale. The decision was taken whilst on holiday in the Yorkshire Dales, messing about by a river in between the rain showers! On holiday we had time to think, revaluate and decide in which direction we wanted to go with our lives.
The truth was that I was bored with farming. We owned our farm for nine successful years, turned our property from a below average yielding block of land to a high performing one in terms of crop yields, quality and consistency. We developed a first class reputation for our produce across central Scotland and beyond. Our farm was ‘on the map’ so was I, as a businessman, farmer and member of the community. Between my wife and I, we supported the local school, church, village hall committee, community council and our boys were involved with school, mini rugby, swimming club and Sunday School. You name it; we supported it – not always voluntarily I hasten to add!
So there I was, sitting on a rock, beside a river in Yorkshire contemplating giving all this up. It would have been easy to feel guilty and ungrateful at even contemplating selling; what so many others aspire to or haven’t had the chance to. But I chose to look beyond that. This was about me and knowing ‘who I am’ not what others thought of me. We had no financial pressure; in fact the only challenges were of working around the weather, as on any farm. I was happily married with two great boys. Our home was an impressive stone building with a lovely mature garden. While I never sought the status that inevitably goes with owning a house like that it was part of the territory.
So, back on my rock, by the river, with my wife. Why was I restless? What else was I looking for?
Six months earlier I booked in with the doctor because I was not feeling myself. At 45 years I explained I was lacking enthusiasm for my life but could not understand why. After a lengthy chat he concluded, “Well Billy, you are not depressed.”
I can remember feeling relieved to hear this.
“It’s just that your testosterone levels are reducing normally for your age.”
This one puzzled me. I had no concerns in the bedroom, so I did not entirely buy this explanation. It sounded like a standard verbal prescription when the Doctor could not find anything wrong with a patient of my symptoms!
I left the surgery that day feeling relieved that everything was ‘normal’ but disappointed he could not find an explanation to this lack of fulfilment I felt inside me.
Back to my rock by the river.
Despite everything I had worked for, knew, could do and everything I owned, something was missing; a task unfulfilled and then it came to me quite simply – I wanted change. I was not content with the security and familiar, the perception of status from others, the position in the community, I was inspired to – maybe needed to – give all of this up, start again, afresh and with something new. I wanted to experience mixing with people who did not know me, not because I had anything to hide but because they would see past the land owning status with the nice house. Would they still want my company then? Would they still seek me out? More importantly, would I still feel secure within myself if they didn’t? This, I realised, is what I was after, the excitement and challenge of the unknown; the self discovery of me, as an individual.
Looking back it seemed like standing on the top of a cliff, knowing I just had to experience the flight without necessarily knowing I could fly!
In my experience as a coach and employer of 30 years I now know that it is entirely normal, if not inevitable, that all males between the ages of 37 to 55 will go through a big change in life. It happens in different ways for different guys. Next week I will share the second half of my experience, I think you will find it enlightening.
So there I was deciding to sell up everything I knew, take the risk, the gamble and venture into the unknown. Was I mad throwing away the familiarity when I had a family to support, or did it turn out to be the best decision of my life? It was certainly the bravest one.
More next week!
Billy
