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P.S. Life Can Be Easy Blog
Relationships: How are yours?
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Everyone has relationships in their life, with partners, children, siblings and parents. Then there are relationships with friends, colleagues, neighbours and so on. That isn't to say that every relationship is easy, enjoyable or exists at all. Some survive on break-ups and make-ups. Others die never to be rekindled again. Sometimes better or painful and there seems no way of escaping the heart and disappointment.
Our minds continually tell us "it was their fault" they lied about me, betrayed me, or tried to put me down. Yes, does all this sound familiar? As a child I remember my grandmother giving me a bookmark. On it there was a quote from the Bible-"Jesus said love one another as I have loved you".
Now I don't know about you but I felt that quite challenging! Why would I want to "love" the guy that was the playground bully? Or the grumpy teacher who dished out more punishment than patients? And how was it that the most confident kids who sneered at others were often the most in demand?! All but if Jesus said "love one another" who was I to argue? And if that's what my grandmother advised? After all she was a kind lady! The joys of childhood learning.
One of life's benefits of growing older is that we become better informed, questions become answered and we evolve into more enlightened individuals. Take the relationship question: the relationship we have with others largely reflects the relationship we have with ourselves. Which bluntly means that if we have a toxic relationship with ourselves we can’t expect any relationship with others to be very different?
One of my biggest learnings in life was to accept that if we see flaws in others, it generally reflects and a flaw in ourselves. Painful to accept perhaps-but true. I don't make the rules of human behaviour! So when we come up against someone who challenges us we can either feel the victim of their behaviour or see it as an opportunity to free ourselves of any negative thinking pattern that lies within us.
Now don't get me wrong here-I have had my share of people who have used me (or so it seemed) lied about me, (their agenda not mine) and thought they knew me better than they actually do. No I don't always remember choosing to love them anyway, at least not at first. The truth is the most important relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves stop this is about self confidence, self-esteem and self worth. Most of us struggle with that for most of our lives-yet even the wealthiest and most famous can struggle with this one also. It just shows itself with different behavioural patterns.
Only when we conquer our own inner thoughts and feelings will we be at our best with others. It's all too easy to become consumed with blame, anger even jealousy. We don't always realise we do it. We may naturally reach for things like alcohol, medicinal drugs, maybe tobacco to numb the pain. Only when we process our inner negative feelings will our confidence, esteem and self worth be allowed to flourish. When it does we attract like-minded individuals and the negative ones avoid us. It also makes loving other people of all types regardless, a whole lot easier. We don't have to spend much time with them, loving within can just mean we feel peaceful and indifferent about our relationship with them. They no longer make us angry, upset or vengeful. We are free of negative feelings towards them and when this happens, loving feelings takeover. It reduces stress, illness and physical pain for us all.
We just need to know how to let go. It is the best gift to ourselves, brings happiness to ourselves and others and helps all other relationships regardless. You don't have to be able to do it alone. We can show you how.
Have a great week
Billy
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