Two weeks ago my father passed away. While this was not unexpected, the reality and finality still came as a shock. I was fortunate to get the chance to say the things I wanted to say to him before the end, something I will always be grateful for.
We weren’t always close. It happens, I guess, but towards the end –particularly during the past few years, we had developed a much deeper understanding. I am not suggesting we didn’t get on – because we did - but I suppose we became genuine friends much later on in his life.
Looking back I am not sure why or when that happened but it did.
Our relationships with our parents can be a roller coaster ride. They can be fun, secure, nurturing and then disappointing, painful and sometimes even downright difficult. Not always but most people go through this at some point in their lives. Then of course some parent/ child relationships can break down altogether; it happens for whatever reason.
If life is about learning – then it seems useful to acknowledge some of the lessons learned from a parent to see what we have gained from the experience. Some will be wonderful, some will be okay and some may even be painful.
But to grow and progress in life, we have to learn all kinds of lessons otherwise we would be ‘plugging’ the school of life and missing out on the great learning’s the classroom of life has to offer.
You may wish to try this exercise and may even be surprised at what comes up for you. Remember, the less pleasant experiences teach us something too and should not be ignored or seen as negative. We can learn from them, often making us a stronger person and a more complete student of life.
Think of 5 things your father, mother or guardian taught you – things which have enhanced your life in some way. It doesn’t matter whether the parent or guardian is alive or has passed on. They don’t even need to be present in your life right now.
What have you learned?
How has it served and helped you in your own life?
How have you put it to good use or to your advantage?
Here are 5 lessons I have learned from my father:
1. To know what you want from life and be determined to get it – honestly and fairly.
2. To treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself – it makes the journey through life more meaningful and enjoyable for everyone involved.
3. To be inspired by other people’s success – don’t see it as a threat to your own potential. It’s pointless because the only person you would be holding back is yourself.
4. Not to allow my parents’ fears or negativity to hold me back. That is their stuff not mine – that’s not to say I realised it as soon as I might have done!
5. Parents aren’t perfect, they do the best they can (usually) with the knowledge, experiences and tools that they have at the time. If or rather ‘when’ they could have handled a situation better, it’s easier on me to forgive and accept rather than bear a grudge. To do so gives me a freer and a happier life.
You will have different answers from me – but I promise it can be hugely beneficial and constructive to YOU to become aware.
Even the most negative experiences can have a positive effect on you and your approach to life; while the positive ones bear great memories.
Try it and see – stay open to possibility.
Have a great week
Billy
