An ex client rang me the other day to ask if I could help him how to tap into his intuition. He wanted to be able to use it in business and make decisions more easily. Learning how to use our intuition more effectively wasn’t something I had discussed with him before so I was a bit surprised with his question.

Now as it happens I do consciously use my intuition to make decisions – most days in fact but it isn’t something I usually openly discuss, or should I say, it hasn’t been relevant to share until now. I use it effectively for making business decisions, financial decisions, situations with other people – anything I choose I guess.

I began to explain that it has helped enormously when making bigger decisions more easily, plan and tackle new ideas with an inner belief that all will turn out well. And it does.

I have always used it just like everyone else – before asking my wife to marry me (!) just knowing two children would be great – a third not necessary for me and an inner knowing when it was time to wind up one business and start the next.

But more recently and with the help of Personal Development I use my intuition to create new products and write. It is brilliant and has never let me down. By that I mean everything turns out fine with my desired outcome.

What works for me is that I find a quiet space, sometimes with music playing. Or, I will sit in the garden or by water or walk amongst trees and just fall into an internal peace. Then I will ask questions and the answers just come; sometimes straight away and sometimes delayed. They can come in picture form or I hear words in a sentence.

Like most things it takes practise, but the truth comes from a quiet mind and an open heart. It makes life so much easier and after all it is what nature intended for us and has been practised for thousands of years.

With all the rush and busyness of modern life I find it reassuring to go back to these original natural ways which nature gives us and use them effectively. It’s all part of life. It is all part of a life that can be easy.

And my client? He’s off to practice! They don’t teach this lot in school.

It sent shockwaves through the board room when 5 senior managers decided to leave their UK wide company. They had all been taking personal development.

Can Personal Development be destructive? What? You may ask! Isn’t personal development all about setting goals, achieving them, living happily ever after etc? Well yes, up to a point...

This company is a leader in their field and decided they would benefit from having in house personal development training. The five senior managers left – leaving others behind wondering if it had been a success or a failure. Did they leave because they realised they were in the wrong job? Or was it a protest against having to attend personal development courses within the company against their wishes?

I listened intently to this story over lunch because this is what I have sensed all along that if as a result of personal development we end up walking away from the relationship or marriage, the business or even our children it raises interesting questions for all of us.

 When is Personal Development constructive and when is it destructive? I mean if the marriage is already in trouble, the job loathed and the kids ignoring us anyway – maybe personal development is just the ticket to freedom by giving us the courage, freedom and spirit to pack our bags and go off and do our own thing.

Now it seems to me that if any of this is inevitable, it has to be progress.

But then there are others in the same situation who are looking for answers or a solution within the situation – that relationship, their career, life purpose. How can they make it work better, run more smoothly, feel more at ease within themselves in any given situation? They may be depressed facing more of the same but quite terrified of quitting and living with an alternative.

Just as the main course arrived, my lunch host made another sweeping statement; she is not one to mess about!

‘I am sure Personal Development is a good thing to do but you know I am a sceptic Billy. It was scary to see how five of our best team all got up and left us as a result of company in house personal development.’ She then added,’ I kind of feel it encourages people to become quite selfish.’

BINGO!

Just say it as it is girl! This is good I am thinking – the conversation as well as my prawn and salmon risotto.

Now my lunching buddy whom I have known for a long time, I have the utmost respect for. She describes herself as a PD sceptic. Then promptly adds but it is probably exactly what she is needing – laughing through her words at the same time.

I will describe her as a healthy sceptic and I respect that. Nothing wrong with asking questions in life and I’d be the last person to dismiss her uncertainty if PD resulted in five directors leaving the company.

I was tempted to ask if they had, ‘seen the light’ and taken up PD as a career but decided that may be a bit rude and in view of the fact she was buying lunch so decided against it.

Seriously though it was great to get the chance to discuss with a healthy sceptic because everything she was saying was exactly true.

There are some people who take to personal development and make decisions, change their lives and themselves for the better. Then there are those who think that by filing for divorce, leaving the children, handing in their resignation is progress, only to find that the utopia they were seeking does not quite materialise in the way they had hoped. They may even blame personal development. Certainly others will!

Then there are those who would like to explore but are afraid of the consequences, so they play safe and stay with the status quo, because their reality is not uncomfortable enough to make the change.

Something I feel quite strongly about ,is that it is essential for the individual to become clear about when the change within themselves, is about moving away from the situation or when the change for the better lies within adjustment within the situation. A good coach can and should help them to determine the difference.

In all my experience in coaching I have facilitated for clients to mend their marriage, overcome their obstacles, and become happier, freer and more confident individuals. I have helped them redress a whole host of issues along the way including enjoying going to the same job that they previously loathed. The job did not change but their approach to it did; hard to believe perhaps, but true.

Personal Development does not have to include divorce, a mid life crisis, or turning your world ‘and everyone else’s’ upside down. But it is vital to consider others we care about as we evolve in our personal development.

That’s not just to be a people pleaser; it is taking into consideration our own values because without doing that we run the risk of huge disappointment down the line.

There is self interest and then there is selfishness. The two are very different and it is invaluable to know the difference.

I am not whether the five senior managers acted from self interest in leaving a reputable company or selfishness – chasing pots of gold at the end of the rainbow? It’s none of my business anyway.

What I can assure you is that the best results are achieved from considering the impact on others occasionally, as there is no room in personal development for knowingly harming others. We eventually realise we are in turn, hurting ourselves to.

It was a great lunch, great conversation, and a fascinating insight into something I had just written about.

Look after yourself but be kind to others to.

Have a great week

Billy